Everyone knows Kramer's "friends" that you hear so much about, but never meet. "Bob Sacamano" would probably be the most famous, followed closely by "Lomez", both referenced thoughout the show's 9 seasons. But then there are also the lesser mentioned buddies, like "Jay Reimenschneider" and "Len Nicodemo", who had an unfortunate case of the gout. Below is a list of mentions of these unseen friends, please comment if I've missed any.
Jerry: Well why are you going?
Kramer: I'm not, I'm running it.
Jerry: What are you talking about?
Kramer: Well Lomez, he usually runs it but he's in the Everglades.
Jerry: Lomez is Jewish?
Kramer: Oh yeah yeah yeah. Orthodox, Jerry. Old school.
Jerry: What's with you?
Elaine: You remember that next door neighbor of mine, the apartment that always smells like potatoes?
Jerry: Your whole building smells like potatoes.
Elaine: This jackass goes to Paris, leaves the alarm on. It's been beeping since 3:30 this morning.
Kramer: You know, that happened to Lomez, so he blew his neighbor's circuit.
Elaine: How do you do that?
Kramer: Yeah well, that's easy. Just let me finish this mile high and I'll be right with you. Oh, and Jerry, we are gonna need a case of Kaiser rolls.
Jerry: I think we might have one left in the stock room.
Jerry: Where did you get that butcher's coat?
Kramer: You buy enough meat, they'll give you anything.
Elaine: Kramer, my neighbor has a cat. When you blew the power, we must've shut off the automatic feeder.
Kramer: See, that's the same thing that happened to Lomez.
Elaine: What did he do about it?
Kramer: Well, he moved to a hotel and the cat eventually died.
Elaine: Well, this meowing is absolutely worse than the alarm.
Kramer: Oh, that's a prickly one.
George: What's with the bucket?
Kramer: Lomez, he sold me his hot tub.
Jerry: Hot tub?
Kramer: Yeah yeah, it's in my living room. I just gotta fill it.
George: You put a hot tub... in your living room?
Kramer: Oh, it's a beauty! It's got these high-volume aqua-sage jets oscillating and pulsating, soothing your every aching muscle. The water's gonna get over 120 degrees!
George: Is that tolerable?
Kramer: Oh...it's tolerable...!
Kramer, [on the phone in the shower]: Lomez, you're not listening. Jerry likes the naked, just some of the things she does when she's naked. Calm down, I'm on your side. Geez. Hey, hold on a second. I got a clog, I'll call ya back.
Kramer: Ahh. Everyone just settle down. We have three hours left on this thing, and I can't drive and argue with you rubes all at the same time. Okay. Lomez's place of worship is right on the right here.
Kramer: My friend Bob Sacamano had shock treatments. But his synapses were so large, it had no effect.
Kramer: Oh yeah? My friend, Bob Sacamano, he came in here for a hernia operation.. Oh yeah, routine surgery.. now he's sittin' around in a chair by a window going, "My name is Bob" .. George, whatever you do, don't let 'em cut you. Don't let 'em cut you.
Elaine: I... I think I'm... I'm having trouble swallowing. I can't... I can't swallow.
Kramer: She's got rabies, just like my friend Bob Sacamano. She's delirious.
George: This friend of Susan's is staying with us for two weeks...Now am I wrong or is that excessive?
Kramer: Well Bob Sacamano he stayed with me once for a year and a half.
Kramer: You know my friend, Bob Sacamano?
Jerry: Oh, the guy from Jersey?
Kramer: Yeah. He just got a job at a condom factory in Edison. Look at this, he gave me a gross.
Elaine: So Kramer what am I supposed to do? If I don't have that fur hat by four o'clock they're gonna take me down like Nixon.
Jerry: You know my friend Bob Sacamano?
Elaine: I thought he was Kramer's friend.
Jerry: Well, he called last night about 3 a.m. we got to talking, he sells Russian hats down at battery park, forty bucks.
Elaine: Fourty bucks? Are they Sable?
Jerry: No, but the difference is negligible.
Kramer: Oh yeah, I like this idea.
Elaine: Hey, Jer. Are you going to this Bob Sacamano party?
Jerry: Am I going? It was three nights ago.
Elaine: What? You're kidding, I just got this invitation today.
Elaine: Would you please just get on with the stupid Bob Sacamano story?!
Kramer: Well, I'm on the phone with Bob, and I realize right then and there that I need to return this pair of pants. So, I'm off to the store.
Elaine: What happened to Bob Sacamano?
Kramer: Well, nothing. His part of the story is done.
Jerry: Kramer, I can't get that many Wizards.
Kramer: Well, what about your deal, huh?
Jerry: I didn't have a deal! They're two hundred dollars a pop. What do I do?
Kramer: Well, don't worry about it. I know a guy.
Jerry: Down here?
Kramer: Yeah, Bob Sacamano's father.
Jerry: Right. It's just an activity. It's like that paddle with the ball and the rubber band.
Kramer: You know, my friend Bob Sacamano made a fortune off of those. See he came up with the idea for the rubber band. Before that, people would just hit the ball, and it would fly away.
Kramer: The guy's got a fat fetish. Spector never dates a woman under two hundred-fifty pounds.
Kramer: Well I just got it. Spector gave it to me, he's giving everything away...becoming a minimalist.
Kramer: It's a verbal contract. We had a deal.
Elaine: No we didn't. You take these things too literally. It's like saying, you're hungry enough to eat a horse.
Kramer: Well, my friend Jay Reimenschneider eats horse all the time. He gets it from his butcher.
Kramer: Hey, FDR wants me to drop dead.
Kramer: Yeah, Franklin Delano Romanowski.
Kramer: I'm very good with sick people. They love me. When my friend Len Nicodemo had the gout, I moved into his hospital room for three days, the doctors were amazed at his recovery.