Aug 14, 2009

Kramer's Faceless Friends

Everyone knows Kramer's "friends" that you hear so much about, but never meet. "Bob Sacamano" would probably be the most famous, followed closely by "Lomez", both referenced thoughout the show's 9 seasons. But then there are also the lesser mentioned buddies, like "Jay Reimenschneider" and "Len Nicodemo", who had an unfortunate case of the gout. Below is a list of mentions of these unseen friends, please comment if I've missed any.


Jerry: Well why are you going?
Kramer: I'm not, I'm running it.
Jerry: What are you talking about?
Kramer: Well Lomez, he usually runs it but he's in the Everglades.
Jerry: Lomez is Jewish?
Kramer: Oh yeah yeah yeah. Orthodox, Jerry. Old school.

Jerry: What's with you?
Elaine: You remember that next door neighbor of mine, the apartment that always smells like potatoes?
Jerry: Your whole building smells like potatoes.
Elaine: This jackass goes to Paris, leaves the alarm on. It's been beeping since 3:30 this morning.
Kramer: You know, that happened to Lomez, so he blew his neighbor's circuit.
Elaine: How do you do that?
Kramer: Yeah well, that's easy. Just let me finish this mile high and I'll be right with you. Oh, and Jerry, we are gonna need a case of Kaiser rolls.
Jerry: I think we might have one left in the stock room.

Jerry: Where did you get that butcher's coat?
Kramer: You buy enough meat, they'll give you anything.
Elaine: Kramer, my neighbor has a cat. When you blew the power, we must've shut off the automatic feeder.
Kramer: See, that's the same thing that happened to Lomez.
Elaine: What did he do about it?
Kramer: Well, he moved to a hotel and the cat eventually died.
Elaine: Well, this meowing is absolutely worse than the alarm.
Kramer: Oh, that's a prickly one.

George: What's with the bucket?
Kramer: Lomez, he sold me his hot tub.
Jerry: Hot tub?
Kramer: Yeah yeah, it's in my living room. I just gotta fill it.
George: You put a hot tub... in your living room?
Kramer: Oh, it's a beauty! It's got these high-volume aqua-sage jets oscillating and pulsating, soothing your every aching muscle. The water's gonna get over 120 degrees!
George: Is that tolerable?
Kramer:'s tolerable...!

Kramer, [on the phone in the shower]: Lomez, you're not listening. Jerry likes the naked, just some of the things she does when she's naked. Calm down, I'm on your side. Geez. Hey, hold on a second. I got a clog, I'll call ya back.

Kramer: Ahh. Everyone just settle down. We have three hours left on this thing, and I can't drive and argue with you rubes all at the same time. Okay. Lomez's place of worship is right on the right here.

Bob Sacamano:

Kramer: My friend Bob Sacamano had shock treatments. But his synapses were so large, it had no effect.

Kramer: Oh yeah? My friend, Bob Sacamano, he came in here for a hernia operation.. Oh yeah, routine surgery.. now he's sittin' around in a chair by a window going, "My name is Bob" .. George, whatever you do, don't let 'em cut you. Don't let 'em cut you.

Elaine: I... I think I'm... I'm having trouble swallowing. I can't... I can't swallow.
Kramer: She's got rabies, just like my friend Bob Sacamano. She's delirious.

George: This friend of Susan's is staying with us for two weeks...Now am I wrong or is that excessive?
Kramer: Well Bob Sacamano he stayed with me once for a year and a half.

Kramer: You know my friend, Bob Sacamano?
Jerry: Oh, the guy from Jersey?
Kramer: Yeah. He just got a job at a condom factory in Edison. Look at this, he gave me a gross.

Elaine: So Kramer what am I supposed to do? If I don't have that fur hat by four o'clock they're gonna take me down like Nixon.
Jerry: You know my friend Bob Sacamano?
Elaine: I thought he was Kramer's friend.
Jerry: Well, he called last night about 3 a.m. we got to talking, he sells Russian hats down at battery park, forty bucks.
Elaine: Fourty bucks? Are they Sable?
Jerry: No, but the difference is negligible.
Kramer: Oh yeah, I like this idea.

Elaine: Hey, Jer. Are you going to this Bob Sacamano party?
Jerry: Am I going? It was three nights ago.
Elaine: What? You're kidding, I just got this invitation today.

Elaine: Would you please just get on with the stupid Bob Sacamano story?!
Kramer: Well, I'm on the phone with Bob, and I realize right then and there that I need to return this pair of pants. So, I'm off to the store.
Elaine: What happened to Bob Sacamano?
Kramer: Well, nothing. His part of the story is done.

Jerry: Kramer, I can't get that many Wizards.
Kramer: Well, what about your deal, huh?
Jerry: I didn't have a deal! They're two hundred dollars a pop. What do I do?
Kramer: Well, don't worry about it. I know a guy.
Jerry: Down here?
Kramer: Yeah, Bob Sacamano's father.

Jerry: Right. It's just an activity. It's like that paddle with the ball and the rubber band.
Kramer: You know, my friend Bob Sacamano made a fortune off of those. See he came up with the idea for the rubber band. Before that, people would just hit the ball, and it would fly away.


Kramer: The guy's got a fat fetish. Spector never dates a woman under two hundred-fifty pounds.

Kramer: Well I just got it. Spector gave it to me, he's giving everything away...becoming a minimalist.


Kramer: It's a verbal contract. We had a deal.
Elaine: No we didn't. You take these things too literally. It's like saying, you're hungry enough to eat a horse.
Kramer: Well, my friend Jay Reimenschneider eats horse all the time. He gets it from his butcher.

Kramer: Hey, FDR wants me to drop dead.
George: FDR?
Kramer: Yeah, Franklin Delano Romanowski.

Kramer: I'm very good with sick people. They love me. When my friend Len Nicodemo had the gout, I moved into his hospital room for three days, the doctors were amazed at his recovery.


  1. corky ramirez

  2. Great catch:

    Jerry: Where did you meet this guy?

    Kramer: He's a friend of a friend. You know Corky Ramarez up on 94th Street? One day he and I are playing Pinochle...

  3. AnonymousJune 27, 2013

    kramer's friend Lou, the police sketch artist, who draws the picture of kramers friend who turns out to be bald. "SHE'S BALLLLLDDD"

  4. AnonymousJuly 25, 2013

    His other friends include...
    Dywayne over at J&T Optical (he'll give George 30% off a pair of frames or glasses)

    Cop Buddy Doug (Gave Kramer the official police caution tape)

    Brody (Mentioned in the show)

    Rudy (The guy Kramer knows who bootlegs movies)

  5. FDR is not faceless