Aug 28, 2009

You Screwed Me Again, Pennypacker!

Other than the aforementioned Vandelay, there were a few other pseudonyms that appeared across multiple episodes:

Kramer as "Dr. Van Nostrand"

(The Slicer - 1997)
Kruger: How long have you been doing this Dr. Van Nostrand?
Kramer: Uuh, long long time. Yes, I've seen moles so big they have their own moles. Freckles that cover two men.

(The Strike - 1997)
Krueger: (recognizing Kramer from "The Slicer") Dr.. Van Nostrand?
Kramer: Uh.. that's right.

Jerry as "Kel Varnson"

(The Boyfriend - 1 - 1992)
Jerry: Vandaley Industries, Kel Varnsen speaking. May we help you? (6 year gap between mentions in this episode and The Puerto Rican Day).

Kramer as "H.E. Pennypacker"

(The Millenimum - 1997)
Kramer: Hi, I'm H.E. Pennypacker. I'm a wealthy American industrialist uh, looking to open a silver mine in the mountains of Peru and uh, before I invest millions in a lucrative mine, I, I'd like to go a little native. Uh, Get the feel of their condiments, of their unmentionables, you know, the real uh, gritty-gritty.

Elaine: You screwed me again, Pennypacker!

(The Puerto Rican Day - 1998)
Sales Woman: Did the broker send you over?
Kramer: Uh, yes, most likely, yes. I'm, uh, H.E. Pennypacker. I'm a wealthy industrialist and philanthropist and, uh, a bicyclist. And, um, yes, I'm looking for a place where I can settle down with my, uh, peculiar habits, and, uh, the women that I frequent with. (sniffing wall) Mmm. Mombassa, hmm?
Sales Woman: The asking price is $1.5 million.
Kramer: Oh, I spend that much on after shave. Yes, I buy and sell men like myself every day. Now, I assume that there's a waterfall grotto?

All three come together

(The Puerto Rican Day - 1998)
Sales Woman: Mr. Pennypacker, this is Mr. Vandelay, And you know Mr. Varnsen.
Kramer: Uh, Varnsen.
Jerry: Pennypacker.
Kramer: Vandelay.
George: Pennypacker. Varnsen.

Note - there was a six year gap between Varnsen references. Impressive.

Aug 27, 2009

Say Vandelay! Say Vandelay!

George's famous alter ego - Art Vandelay - appeared in (at least) nine episodes, starting with episode #2 in 1990 and ending with the finale. Usually an architect, the name also sometimes played the role of Vandelay Industries, usually involved in latex.

- The Stakeout - 5/31/90 (2nd episode)
George uses Vandelay for the first time when Jerry tries to meet a woman at her office building. They say they are meeting an Art Vandelay for lunch, which Jerry mistakes as Corvelay.

- The Red Dot - 12/11/91
During an on the spot job interview with Mr. Lippman, George claims to have read "Venetian Blinds" by Art Vandelay, who is an obscure beatnik writer in the Village.

- The Boyfriend (1) - 2/12/92
At the unemployment office, George claims to be interviewing with Vandelay Industries, who is in latex manufacturing.

- The Pilot (1) - 5/20/93
In the pilot for "Jerry", the above is acted out.

- The Cadillac (2) - 1/25/96
George suggests to Elaine to use Art Vandelay as the name of her boyfriend, who is an importer-exporter.

- The Bizarro Jerry - 10/3/96
George claims to have an appointment with Art Vandelay when trying to meet the office receptionist.

- The Serenity Now - 10/9/97
During the sales competition with Lloyd Braun, George makes a sales call to Art Vandelay, who buys two dozen computers.

- The Puerto Rican Day - 5/7/98
George uses the name in order to see an apartment for sale in order to use the bathroom. There he meets H.E. Pennypacker and Kel Varnson.

- The Finale - 5/14/98
The judge trying their case is named none other than Art Vandelay.

Aug 26, 2009

Little Known Fact #2

Of of all 185 episodes, Male Unbonding is the only episode title to not begin with the word "The".

Aug 25, 2009

The price? Your soul.

Just as important as the four major cast members, don't forget about the stand out "tier two" characters. After Frank Costanza, Jay Peterman is arguably right up there on the hilarity meter (followed closely by David Puddy). Here are a few examples of the extravagant prose from one of the unsung heroes of Seinfeld.

Peterman: I'm afraid the problem with Zach is more serious. He's back on the horse, Elaine. Smack. White palace. The Chinaman's nightcap.

Peterman: And, in a tiny way, I almost feel responsible. I'm the one who sent him to Thailand - in search of low-cost whistles. Filled his head with pseudoerotic tales of my own Opium excursions. Plus, I may have given him some phone numbers of places he could score near the hotel.
Elaine: Look, uh, Mr. Peterman, the fact is that I was planning on breaking up with Zach anyway. He was cheating on me!
Peterman: Damn it, Elaine. That wasn't Zach. That was the yam-yam. Now, he is going cold turkey. (Ordering) And you will be at his side.

Peterman: I'm afraid it's your urine, Elaine. You've tested positive for opium.
Elaine: Opium?
Peterman: That's right. White Lotus. Yam-yam. Shanghai Sally.

Peterman: Oh, Elaine. The toll road of denial is a long and dangerous one. The price? Your soul.

Aug 24, 2009

Caught Boozin'

Speaking of booze, the big four rarely took a drink. Here are a few select moments they were caught throwin' em back - usually against their will or out of character moments (but never involving Jerry).

- George drinking with Texas Rangers executives (The Hut Tub - 1995).
- Elaine with 6 pack of Bud slung over her back - then opens one at Jerry's (The Postponement - 1995).
- Elaine drinking Schnapps with Jerry at Monk's (to get her to open her vault).
- Elaine drinking scotch while Kramer tells her story of Billy Mumphrey (The Betrayal - 1997).
- Kramer celebrating at the bar with cast of Scarsdale Surprise (The Summer Of George - 1997)
- Kramer telling stories at bar, Elaine stops him because he sold them to Peterman (The Van Buren Boys - 1997).
- Kramer drinking Hennigans testing for odors (The Red Dot - 1991).
- Kramer drinking sake with the Japanese in the hot tub (The Checks - 1996).
- Kramer drinking beer and smoking a cigarette with the Jerry's accountant (The Sniffing Accountant - 1993).

Aug 21, 2009

H, E, double N - I ...

Hennigans - one of those Seinfeld-world only references that pops up in a few episodes. When there was whiskey - there was Hennigans. A few appearances below - any others?

"The Red Dot" (1991):
Kramer: Okay, well what am I drinking? What do you got?
Jerry: I got a bottle of scotch my uncle gave me. It's Hennigans. It's been here for two years. I've been using it as a paint thinner.
Kramer: That is *damn* good scotch. I could do a commercial for this stuff. Mmmmm, boy that Hennigans goes down smooth. And afterwords you don't even smell. That's right folks. I just had three shots of Hennigans and I don't smell. Imagine, you can walk around drunk all day. That's Hennigans, the no-smell, no-tell scotch.
Kramer: Say you got a big job interview, and you're a little nervous. Well throw back a couple shots of Hennigans and you'll be as loose as a goose and ready to roll in no time. And because it's odorless, why, it will be our little secret. (singing) h-e-double N, I...

"The Parking Spot" (1992)
Elaine: Oh god, I need a drink, do you got any Hennigans here?
Jerry: Yeah, under the counter. What happened?

"The Boyfriend 1" (1992)
Elaine: Wait a second wait a minute, You jealous of him or you jealous of me...?
Jerry: Any Hennigans around here?

Aug 20, 2009

Little Known Fact

The waitress at Monk's Cafe who George thinks is giving him the finger in "The Pledge Drive" (1994) is Julia Louis-Dreyfus' half-sister (same mother).

Aug 18, 2009

Prognosis Negative

You gotta love the ridiculous movie titles mentioned in Seinfeld world - each sounding vaguely familiar while completely fake. You should recognize a few of these:

- Prognosis Negative
- Rochelle, Rochelle
- Sack Lunch
- Chunnel
- Blimp: The Hindenburg Story
- CheckMate
- Agent Zero
- Brown-Eyed Girl
- Chow Fun
- Cupid's Rifle
- Firestorm
- Mountain High
- Death Blow
- Cry, Cry Again
- The Pain and the Yearning
- Blame it on the Rain
- Cold Fusion
- Means to an End
- The Muted Heart
- The Other Side of Darkness
- Ponce De Leon
- Flaming Globes of Sigmund

Aug 16, 2009

Stealthy Larry David Appearances

Other than the voice of George Steinbrenner, Larry David found his way on to the stage a few times while remaining anonymous. Here are a list of those moments, if you know of others please comment.

  • In "The Gum" (as store clerk) - "I beg your pardon, your majesty, but we don't accept bills with lipstick on the president."

  • In "The Marine Biologist" (as voice at the beach) - "Is anyone here a marine biologist?"

  • In The Airport (as the voice on the airplane) - "Oh, You know what? *I* ordered the kosher meal. I ordered it six weeks ago, I forgot."

  • In "The Chinese Woman" (as man in cape) - "I'm Frank Costanza's lawyer" (also appears earlier walking with Frank in street).

  • In "The Pilot - Part 2" (as one of the men in the Greenpeace boat with Russell Dalrymple)

  • In "The Heart Attack" (as character on TV in sci-fi movie) - "Look, Sigmund. Look in the sky. The planets are on fire. It is just as you prophesied. The planets of our solar system, incinerating. Like flaming globes, Sigmund. Like flaming globes.. Ah, ha, ha, ha.."

  • Aug 14, 2009

    Kramer's Faceless Friends

    Everyone knows Kramer's "friends" that you hear so much about, but never meet. "Bob Sacamano" would probably be the most famous, followed closely by "Lomez", both referenced thoughout the show's 9 seasons. But then there are also the lesser mentioned buddies, like "Jay Reimenschneider" and "Len Nicodemo", who had an unfortunate case of the gout. Below is a list of mentions of these unseen friends, please comment if I've missed any.


    Jerry: Well why are you going?
    Kramer: I'm not, I'm running it.
    Jerry: What are you talking about?
    Kramer: Well Lomez, he usually runs it but he's in the Everglades.
    Jerry: Lomez is Jewish?
    Kramer: Oh yeah yeah yeah. Orthodox, Jerry. Old school.

    Jerry: What's with you?
    Elaine: You remember that next door neighbor of mine, the apartment that always smells like potatoes?
    Jerry: Your whole building smells like potatoes.
    Elaine: This jackass goes to Paris, leaves the alarm on. It's been beeping since 3:30 this morning.
    Kramer: You know, that happened to Lomez, so he blew his neighbor's circuit.
    Elaine: How do you do that?
    Kramer: Yeah well, that's easy. Just let me finish this mile high and I'll be right with you. Oh, and Jerry, we are gonna need a case of Kaiser rolls.
    Jerry: I think we might have one left in the stock room.

    Jerry: Where did you get that butcher's coat?
    Kramer: You buy enough meat, they'll give you anything.
    Elaine: Kramer, my neighbor has a cat. When you blew the power, we must've shut off the automatic feeder.
    Kramer: See, that's the same thing that happened to Lomez.
    Elaine: What did he do about it?
    Kramer: Well, he moved to a hotel and the cat eventually died.
    Elaine: Well, this meowing is absolutely worse than the alarm.
    Kramer: Oh, that's a prickly one.

    George: What's with the bucket?
    Kramer: Lomez, he sold me his hot tub.
    Jerry: Hot tub?
    Kramer: Yeah yeah, it's in my living room. I just gotta fill it.
    George: You put a hot tub... in your living room?
    Kramer: Oh, it's a beauty! It's got these high-volume aqua-sage jets oscillating and pulsating, soothing your every aching muscle. The water's gonna get over 120 degrees!
    George: Is that tolerable?
    Kramer:'s tolerable...!

    Kramer, [on the phone in the shower]: Lomez, you're not listening. Jerry likes the naked, just some of the things she does when she's naked. Calm down, I'm on your side. Geez. Hey, hold on a second. I got a clog, I'll call ya back.

    Kramer: Ahh. Everyone just settle down. We have three hours left on this thing, and I can't drive and argue with you rubes all at the same time. Okay. Lomez's place of worship is right on the right here.

    Bob Sacamano:

    Kramer: My friend Bob Sacamano had shock treatments. But his synapses were so large, it had no effect.

    Kramer: Oh yeah? My friend, Bob Sacamano, he came in here for a hernia operation.. Oh yeah, routine surgery.. now he's sittin' around in a chair by a window going, "My name is Bob" .. George, whatever you do, don't let 'em cut you. Don't let 'em cut you.

    Elaine: I... I think I'm... I'm having trouble swallowing. I can't... I can't swallow.
    Kramer: She's got rabies, just like my friend Bob Sacamano. She's delirious.

    George: This friend of Susan's is staying with us for two weeks...Now am I wrong or is that excessive?
    Kramer: Well Bob Sacamano he stayed with me once for a year and a half.

    Kramer: You know my friend, Bob Sacamano?
    Jerry: Oh, the guy from Jersey?
    Kramer: Yeah. He just got a job at a condom factory in Edison. Look at this, he gave me a gross.

    Elaine: So Kramer what am I supposed to do? If I don't have that fur hat by four o'clock they're gonna take me down like Nixon.
    Jerry: You know my friend Bob Sacamano?
    Elaine: I thought he was Kramer's friend.
    Jerry: Well, he called last night about 3 a.m. we got to talking, he sells Russian hats down at battery park, forty bucks.
    Elaine: Fourty bucks? Are they Sable?
    Jerry: No, but the difference is negligible.
    Kramer: Oh yeah, I like this idea.

    Elaine: Hey, Jer. Are you going to this Bob Sacamano party?
    Jerry: Am I going? It was three nights ago.
    Elaine: What? You're kidding, I just got this invitation today.

    Elaine: Would you please just get on with the stupid Bob Sacamano story?!
    Kramer: Well, I'm on the phone with Bob, and I realize right then and there that I need to return this pair of pants. So, I'm off to the store.
    Elaine: What happened to Bob Sacamano?
    Kramer: Well, nothing. His part of the story is done.

    Jerry: Kramer, I can't get that many Wizards.
    Kramer: Well, what about your deal, huh?
    Jerry: I didn't have a deal! They're two hundred dollars a pop. What do I do?
    Kramer: Well, don't worry about it. I know a guy.
    Jerry: Down here?
    Kramer: Yeah, Bob Sacamano's father.

    Jerry: Right. It's just an activity. It's like that paddle with the ball and the rubber band.
    Kramer: You know, my friend Bob Sacamano made a fortune off of those. See he came up with the idea for the rubber band. Before that, people would just hit the ball, and it would fly away.


    Kramer: The guy's got a fat fetish. Spector never dates a woman under two hundred-fifty pounds.

    Kramer: Well I just got it. Spector gave it to me, he's giving everything away...becoming a minimalist.


    Kramer: It's a verbal contract. We had a deal.
    Elaine: No we didn't. You take these things too literally. It's like saying, you're hungry enough to eat a horse.
    Kramer: Well, my friend Jay Reimenschneider eats horse all the time. He gets it from his butcher.

    Kramer: Hey, FDR wants me to drop dead.
    George: FDR?
    Kramer: Yeah, Franklin Delano Romanowski.

    Kramer: I'm very good with sick people. They love me. When my friend Len Nicodemo had the gout, I moved into his hospital room for three days, the doctors were amazed at his recovery.

    Aug 13, 2009

    Classic Kramer Rants

    Kramer: You know, I think you're jealous.
    Jerry: Of what?
    Kramer: Yah, yah! You see in Little Jerry Seinfeld the unlimited future you once had. Now, just because Jerry Seinfeld is a has-been, don't make Little Jerry Seinfeld a never-was!
    Jerry: Kramer, give me that rooster!
    Kramer: Never! You hate him because he's doing more with your name than you ever will! Yah-yah!

    Jerry: Ah, you're crazy.
    Kramer: Am I? Or am I so sane that you just blew your mind?
    Jerry: It's impossible.
    Kramer: Is it? Or is it so possible that your head is spinning like a top?
    Jerry: It can't be.
    Kramer: Can't it? Or is your entire world just crashing down all around you?
    Jerry: All right, that's enough.

    George: You're a good friend. If you killed somebody, I wouldn't turn you in.
    Jerry: Hey, Kramer, if I killed somebody, would you turn me in?
    Kramer: Yeah.
    Jerry: Really?
    Kramer: Well, you don't just go around killing people.
    Jerry: But you know me!
    Kramer: I thought that I did!

    Kramer: I want you to get on this phone and give him his 'thank you'!
    Jerry: No. No, I can't!
    Kramer: Jerry, this is the way society functions. Aren't you a part of society? Because if you don't want to be a part of society, Jerry, why don't you just get in your car and move to the East Side!
    Jerry: Look, we got five hours before the game. I am betting it was a funeral 'hello'. He knows we're here, he knows the number, he knows we want to go. There's plenty of time for him to call and give us the tickets.
    Kramer: You stubborn, stupid, silly man!

    Kramer: I see....Yessss. Little Miss Candy Bar paid a visit, didn't she?
    Jerry: Kramer, it is not what you think.
    Kramer: Ah, Ah, Ahhhhh! I know what I think. I think you're gaga over this dame. She's twisted you around her little finger, and now, you're willing to sell me, and Elaine, and whoever else you have to, right down the river.
    Jerry: And what about you? Tryin' to bilk an innocent bystander out of a family fortune, built on sweat and toil, manufacturing quality O'Henry candy bars, for honest, hard-working Americans!
    Kramer: You're just out for sex!
    Jerry: You're just out for money!
    Kramer & Jerry: Ah, Ah, Ahhhhh!

    Kramer: What do I need to talk for...ha! To blab to the neighbors about George has a new fem-Jerry friend or to tell everybody at the coffee shop how George is all mixed up in a perverse sexual amalgam of some girl and his best friend.

    Kramer: Well I'll tell you what I think. I think she saw you with that piece off and was devastated. You blew it boy! You really blew it! And you had to ruin it for him. Didn't you?!

    Jerry: So you won't believe what happened with Whatley today. It got back to him that I made this little dentist joke and he got all offended. Those people can be so touchy.
    Kramer: Those people, listen to yourself.
    Jerry: What?
    Kramer: You think that dentists are so different from me and you? They came to this country just like everybody else, in search of a dream.
    Jerry: Kramer, he's just a dentist.
    Kramer: Yeah, and you're an anti-dentite.
    Jerry: I am not an anti-dentite!
    Kramer: You're a rabid anti-dentite! Oh, it starts with a few jokes and some slurs. "Hey, denty!" Next thing you know you're saying they should have their own schools.
    Jerry: They do have their own schools!